Waterskiing, etc.

I should petition the city..

2012-03-09T14:47:00.001-06:00

of Coralville to put one on these contraptions in their local pool.

I don't know which would be more satisfying: Practicing tricks during the dead of winter, or spraying old ladies while they fruitlessly try to keep their hair dry during water "aerobics"

Damn, I am so ready for ski season to start.

My sources have discovered...

2012-02-01T21:20:00.000-06:00

that the infamous Pux might not be mentally prepared to unleash hell (a.k.a. more goddamn winter).

Apparently, Pux has developed quite a fondness for pay-per-view groundhog erotica. A last minute reorientation to the non-rodent porn world might not be enough time for Pux to climb his sorry ass out of that outdoor toilet he calls a hole.

My "sources"

Nola can do more than just steal ice chests.

While watching the winter...

2012-01-30T19:00:00.000-06:00

X games, I could help but notice two things about single trick snowmobiling. First, those guys are a little bit crazy to do that. Second, they all are wearing motocross neck braces. It got me wondering if jumpers should be wearing them too.

Potential problems I see are

1) They are designed for impacts on solid surfaces, not water. That could be a problem.

2) A restriction in the jumper's ability to turn his/her head

3) Immobilization of the neck in an impact might make lower sections of the spine more vulnerable to serious injury

4) Lack of movement in the neck could mean that more force is transferred to the head, i.e., a negligible reduction in neck injuries could lead to a significant increase in concussions. (although I would take a concussion over a neck fracture anyday)

5) If there is a real benefit, would it be at all levels, or only for advanced jumpers?

I am no authority on this subject, so I have no answers. I do think , however, that I have come up with some legitimate questions. If other sports with similar impact speeds are using these neck braces, it seems to me jumpers should be, at least, looking into it. Anything short of not skiing in the first place that makes this

safer sounds like a great idea to me.

Reasons for my recent...

2012-01-29T22:21:00.002-06:00

online absence

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that last one is an exaggeration, but it has still been too cold to ski.

Time to start this thing again.

New toe tricks...

2011-11-01T19:00:00.000-05:00

that David, my tricking student, and I need to add to our runs in 2012.

for the teacher, the toe wrap in

It looks like I am starting the turn too early into the pull. I have a lot of work to do on that one in the spring.

For the student, the toe wake back.

David needs to give his shoulders to the boat as he rotates. He might be closer to landing this one than I am to standing up my new one.

Looks like we both have a lot of time to ponder these.

So last set...

2011-10-29T12:23:00.000-05:00

triumph gives way to an end-of-season buzzkill.

That picture means nothing! Ski season is just peaking.

DAMN! I AM GONNA FIND WHOMEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS CHANGE OF SEASONS AND KICK THEIR ASS(ES)! I WANT TO PUNCH SOMEONE OR SOMETHING AND MAKE THEM BLEED!

Well, maybe if I sacrifice my slalom bindings to the waterski gods I can ski until Thanksgiving.

So sad...

Ok, I understand. I need to commit myself to a productive offseason. I guess I have to come up with some other blog topics for a few months as well.

By the way, the Kubler-Ross model of grieving is, obviously, just a load of psychobabble. I don't go through any of those stages.

Before packing it in...

2011-10-27T11:14:00.001-05:00

for the season, I wanted to get two tricks on camera: A backflip reverse sequence and a toe wake O. A month or so ago, I got the first one (or two, for all you specificityphiles out there).

It's October 25th, one day until the boat gets winterized and stored. Ross, David, Mitch and I have a short time window to ski, so that means I get one short trick set and my 2011 season is over. So here goes...

Got it. Hopefully I can fit that trick into my toe pass in 2012.

If you do not love...

2011-10-19T19:00:00.000-05:00

this show, then shame on you.

Not only is The League piss-your-pants funny, the crass, biting interplay between characters is quite possibly the most realistic depiction of long-term male friendships anywhere on TV.

Oh Yeah, and there's Taco,

For the last three years, this show has eased the pain of the advance of winter and the gradual end of ski season.

HOLY....

2011-10-17T11:18:00.000-05:00

SHIT!

I think he brought it down a little.

Props to my tricking protegee for getting this on the web. I am not sure if he actually shot the vid or not.

And so the waterski gods...

2011-10-10T23:26:00.002-05:00

smiled down upon the land of maize. And lo, they rained down upon them 80 degree temperatures while the leaves turned. And they accepted the waterski gods' sublime gift, and they practiced for their great pilgrimage.

In the weekend before biggest tournament ever, the Iowa Hawkeyesused a divide and conquer practice strategy. Half of their team drove up to Minnesota (yes, the weather in Minnesota was nice enough to intentionally drive there to waterski in October) and half stuck around in Iowa to practice at eagle lake in Evansdale. I wasn't in Minnesota, so I don't have any video. From what I heard, they got a lot of good slalom coaching. Being that they were skiing at the site of a bunch of slalom specialists, my young padawan was the designated trick coach.

The Evansdale group practiced a little of everything. Some highlights:

Neilan

Rumor has it he has been neglecting his skiing for... and this is nearly unforgivable...class. He has forgotten the Midwest collegiate skier's mantra: Don't open your books until you see frost.

Jordan

He just recently learned how to make a single wake cut. Hopefully he will not learn (the hard way) that he needs to upgrade from that piece-of-shit he strapped on to his cranium to a full face helmet. Still, nice jumping for a show skier. Oh yeah, and for God's sake, get some damn gloves.

Sterling

On her first day out, Sterling went from "Who are you?" to one of the top Hawkeye women skiers. That being said, KEEP YOUR ARMS STRAIGHT!.

I heard that there was some tricking there too, but I head to leave for my pre-overnight-shift nap. So readers, yeah both of you, just imagine some video clips.

A headwind (much more so than a mind) being "a terrible thing to waste," your fearless blogger could not help but lube up and strap on the long ones,

and strattle the fulcrum between "nice jump" and OH SHIIIIIII......... where am I?

My split loyalties a moot point this year, I hope the Hawkeyes ski their asses off down in my homeland.

Because the majority of...

2011-10-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

rock bands from this past decade aren't fit to be roadies for the Seattle's best grunge bands, I will go off topic and celebrate the 20 year anniversary of one kick-ass album. That album being Badmotorfinger from Soundgarden.

Rusty Cage.

Outshined

If you listen to this album in the car and can hear (1) yourself think and (2) the engine, the volume is waaaaaaaay too low.

I commend my student...

2011-10-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

for two things:

1. Developing a stable reverse backwrap position. Though his shoulders are low, and his left hand is high, he can execute scorable surface back to backs.

2. Purchasing/finding his own trick rope and rash guard. Though the rope is old, and the rash guard has a smattering of peculiar stains on the chest, he can trick without borrowing any of my shit.

I present evidence of both

After a year of jumping...

2011-10-06T19:00:00.000-05:00

at 33.6 mph, I feel like I am just starting to get my timing back at 35.4 mph again. I feel dialed in to the jump course at 35.4 again and can, confidently, do a 35.4 mph double wake cut.. Unfortuately, I can't ski in any more tournaments this year.

A solid jump, despite losing about 10 feet because I released my left hand before the apex.

More Hawkeye love...

2011-10-05T23:45:00.001-05:00

with some mixed emotions thrown in.

I have a degree form Auburn University AND the University of Iowa. More importantly, I skied for Auburn ('94-'98, War Damn wet eagle!). I currently ski with the University of Iowa waterski team, as I live in the Iowa City area. Over the last few years, I have become somewhat of an unofficial coach for the Iowa ski team. As is the case with any college ski team, there are members with all levels of passion and dedication to the sport.

Well, with a combination of some talented newbies, and a core of passionate skiers already in place, the Iowa Waterski team earned the wildcard, grabbing the final division 2 spot in the 2011 NCWSA Nationals. It was "only" division 2, and the very last spot, but nonetheless, the wildcard was an achievement to be celebrated. So they celebrated:

Credit to Brian for the foresight to record this emotional explosion

Given the circumstances, one could make an agrument that the Iowa team reacted with a modicum of restraint. To put the wildcard selection in perspective, Iowa had not even qualified for Midwest Collegiate Regionals since 2003, and has NEVER received an invite to NCWSA Nationals, division 1 or 2*. Whatever their placement may turn out to be, they can be proud of what they have accomplished. It is not easy to get to Nationals. Skiing primarily on a practice site currently without a slalom course, much less a ramp, ups the difficulty immensely.

That brings me to the mixed emotions part: As excited and proud as I was of Iowa 's wildcard Nationals invite, I was disappointed that Auburn, my undergraduate and ski team alma mater, placed 5th in the wildcard standings. Since either 2002 (or 2003, I am not exactly sure), Auburn has practiced at Faith Lake in Shorter, AL, a private 3-event tournament site only 30 minutes from campus. In water skiing, quality of practice site has a huge impact on a team's ability to develop and recruit skiers.** That being the case, Iowa, without any buoys or ramps to call their own, took the last Nationals spot.

The guys and girls who lube 'em up and strap 'em on for Auburn right now should learn from this. Auburn has the resources to get to Nationals. I am confident that I speak for every Auburn Waterski Team Alum when I say that I want to see them get back to Nationals. WAR EAGLE and, next week especially, GO HAWKS!

*Unless you count Purdue or Iowa State offering some Iowa skiers a chance to tag along on a Nationals road trip to defray the twin burdens of gas and beer expenses.

**length of the ski season notwithstanding

In honor of their...

2011-09-29T11:51:00.000-05:00

first trip to Midwest Collegiate Regionals in a looong time, I will show a little Hawkeye love

In your head, substitute "tournament" for "game"

here are a couple of the top Hawkeyes in action

Maddy: UI team president and matriarch. She also happens to be the baddest chick in the Great Plains conference.

David: Dedicated protegee of yours truly. He Starts as soon as the ice melts, and skis until it comes back. He has had top 5 finishes in tricks this season (I attribute this to coaching)

Mitch:
(no video available)
His slalom scores (and boat towing) make up for his clumsiness on a pair of tricks (he's getting better). Each week, he leads Iowa's men's slalom team, and hopes that he does not have to jump.

Stephanie: "Who is the new girl that just came out?" "I don't know." "Damn, she can really ski. Usually when we get newbies we're lucky if they can do a deep water start... on jumpers."

GO HAWKS!

I swing both...

2011-09-28T08:36:00.001-05:00

ways. I have proof, finally.

Waiting slightly longer through the top of the wake = ride the damn reverse out.

Still preturning...

2011-09-26T22:30:00.000-05:00

that toeside flip. Otherwise, this was a decent sequence.

Despite the preturn, I could have ridden that one out had I let go of the outside hand on the landing.

2011-09-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

First, I bring her to the lake. The next step is to get her to ride in the boat while skiers are being pulled.

Done.

Despite the squniting, and a life Jacket that will fit much better next summer, she was all smiles. Ok, maybe that was not exactly a smile. but I am going to claim victory because there was no crying involved.

The first of hopefully...

2011-09-16T20:10:00.000-05:00

many trips to the ski lake

Step 1: complete. Lots more to come.

If you take one thing away...

2011-09-16T14:53:00.000-05:00

from this clip, it should be unintentionally profound comment from the Greek guy.

He mentions that "it is a real family event." Mr. Patounis is exactly right. One of the best parts about competitive waterskiing (its inherent adrenaline-junkie satisfying nature notwithstanding) is that an ENTIRE family (the family dog notwithstanding) can get out and compete. Competitions, from local tournaments all the way to the National championships, are organized around that very principle. Everyone from kids under 5 years old to Great-grandparents can lube 'em up, strap 'em on, and try to rip it.

This aspect of competitive waterskiing runs counter (thankfully) to the prevailing sports culture. There seems to be an idea in our society that from birth through high school, competing in organized sports is second only to school in a kids' life, but after that, it is vain, selfish, and childish to go out and compete in anything not work-related, especially if one has children of his/her own.

Personally, I think that is a load of crap.

Why aren't there more outlets for oragnaized competition for every member of a family? Perhaps if that were the case, this country would boast a lower percentage of type 2 couch potatoes.

Oh 35mph, how I have...

2011-09-15T11:23:00.000-05:00

missed you so. Admittedly, the longing for faster speeds is harder to see from that jump.

Thanks to AWSA's recent (no-brainer) raising of some jump speeds , I am jumping at 35mph again. The M3 official ramp height will stay at 5'. To tell the truth, I would be happy either way on the ramp height, as I have always been more of a speed jumper than a big lift jumper. Now I just need more jumps that look like this one, only farther.

There must have been...

2011-08-25T12:40:00.000-05:00

an updraft.

Two things catch my attention from this clip:

1. That recovery would send Sir Isaac Newton back to the drawing board.
2. Ski tournament announcing gigs are neither the time nor the place for porn voice-over work.

Official video evidence of...

2011-08-24T00:57:00.000-05:00

David becoming a bona fide tricker,

Yours truly coming tantalizingly close to the Toe Wake O,

And Maddy schooling the both of us in the ways of the toe strap.

I would have built some...

2011-08-21T15:39:00.000-05:00

side curtains too.

Ahhhhhhh, remember the good old days when it was almost practical put a ramp on a public lake? Maybe there was another commercial in which the group of skiers used their Stanley tools to repair the frame after it was damaged from jet skis trying to jump the ramp.

Eddie Pola, George Wyle, ...

2011-08-03T19:00:00.001-05:00

and Andy Williams are, in the immortal werds of Lloyd Christmas, "full of shit." Tournament season is the most wonderful time of the year.

Although, sometimes, it can be less wonderful than it should be

Despite the hand pass debacle, Maddy placed a solid 5th Overall in her division.

One of the best parts about going to a tournament is the ability to pack lightly.

We had no need to bring portable buildings, large appliances, or any similarly sized items that might add unnecessary bulk to the drive up.
So roomy...

We had arrived.

10 days and a....

2011-08-03T09:55:00.000-05:00

full course of Keflex later, Nola is on the mend

It's time for that dog to start doing what she does best,

harassing skiers.

Signs you least expect to see...

2011-08-01T14:35:00.000-05:00

at a ski lake:
#1

No peeing in the lake? Huh?

Apparently, the folks at Trophy Lakes in Minnesota are quite particular about the chemical composition of their lake water.

Stay tuned, Vids from 2011 Midwest Regionals are soon to come.

This past weekend was not all...

2011-07-26T19:00:00.001-05:00

Veterinary emergencies.. Between rain showers, there was Iowa State Championship Tournament.

My performance was, well, I'll let Randy Jackson describe it:

After a pass on the third jump, I took a jumper's walk of Shame.

Had I taken the jump, there would have been no walk, only shame.

Taking that last jump might have looked like this:

thankfully, Brian walked away from that one

I had planned to take a bunch of pics and video, honestly.

(Both) readers, blame the dearth of video on this:

Lakerykert team member injured...

2011-07-25T21:32:00.000-05:00

this past weekend.

When not concocting elabotate schemes to foil the CRB's
drinking plans, Nola is my tournament sidekick.

Her normal tournament duties include swimming, shaking off on other skiers and/or spectators, soliciting anyone for free petting, and giving me a pre-ski pep talk.* While performing said duties, Nola makes a few assumptions:
1. All humans in attendance are her newest best friends
2. All other dogs in attendance will be her new best friends.
3. All humans in attendance want to throw the racquetball into the water
4. All food, if it's on the ground, goes to the hound.

This time, Nola was wrong about #2.

She was very wrong.
In exchange for an inquisitive sniff, a 40 lb. pipsqueak of a Labradoodle bit off a chunk of Nola's right ear. As always, she showed her true fighting spirit while cowering onto the ground. It's not too serious of an injury, but the vet will have to sedate her tomorrow to shave the ear and give it a good cleaning. She also got a course of antibiotics. Interesting sidenote: The standard large breed dose of Keflex is the same as the standard adult dose.

In about a week or so, she should be back to doing this:

In the meantime, enjoy the drugs Nola.

*Nola's pep talks entail loud barking in my ear while I slip my my feet into soapy bindings. If she deems I am not sufficiently "jacked," she jumps in after me.

I need a jumpsuit...

2011-07-19T23:36:00.000-05:00

for flips

Much have you learned...

2011-07-15T22:38:00.003-05:00

young Padawan.

David decided to strap on a trick ski (two, actually) about a year ago. after a set or two, he could do a full complement of surface tricks. So I decided to let him try one ski. The clip above is 1) evidence of his progression, and 2) validation of my coaching ability.

Not bad for one year's work. He almost has the toe back/toe front as well. Footage in a couple more sets.

Approved or not....

2011-05-19T14:05:00.003-05:00

this is pretty bad-ass stuff.

I bid you...

2011-05-03T13:47:00.003-05:00

welcome to the waterski blogosphere, Matt. (Both my readers) give it up for knoffed-it.
Matt's stated mission is "to utterly and completely eff things up to the point of non-recognition." Few pursuits have been nobler.

This is the signature Pic on Matt's blog. Readers (again, both of you), don't let the rough jumping fool you. "Knoff" is a very solid tricker and slalomer (is slalomer a word?).

Make room in the boat...

2011-04-22T17:19:00.002-05:00

for Scout Frances...

I will say she arrived in dramatic fashion, and leave it at that.

First things first....

2011-04-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

Now that she has some ski equipment, maybe Libby and I can come up with a name. If anyone (or a corporation) comes asking for naming rights, I'll at least listen. Exploitation fades in a sea of zeros.

Huh?

2011-04-16T08:37:00.001-05:00

In April, this is not cool.

The Short answer is...

2011-04-06T14:34:00.003-05:00

Hell Yes!

"FROM: Richelle Matli, AWSA Rules Committee Chair

SUBJECT: AWSA Rules Committee Survey Regarding Proposed Increase in Jump Speeds

In the past several weeks, you were e-mailed a survey regarding proposed changes to jump speeds for the divisions listed below. The AWSA Rules Committee would like to give as many affected jumpers as possible, the opportunity to respond to the survey so that the committee has adequate data on which to base its recommendations.

If you have already submitted your survey, thank you! If not, please take a moment to complete the survey using the appropriate link below. Even if you think the proposed changes do not affect you, we want your feedback. We have extended the survey deadline to April 15, 2011.

If you know of any jump skiers that would be affected by this proposal who do not check e-mail on a regular basis, please ask them to do so or inform USA Water Ski or myself of their choices."

I say raise the speeds (and while you're at it, the ramp too, but that is another debate). Any M3 skier that wants to jump @ 33.6 is welcome to continue doing so.

Raise the speeds USAWS!

Holy Shit!!!!

2011-04-05T20:10:00.002-05:00

In nearly 10 days, this

will no longer be riding in this

Instead, it will be riding in this

0402111151 - Copy, a photo by no_hypothermia on Flickr.

Is this picture real or hopefully imagined??

Happily, time is running out...

2011-03-05T22:22:00.003-06:00

for off topic posts, as ski season (and other major developments soon to be announced) draws near.
Anyway, while Steve Jobs slowly destroys my ears during my off-season workouts, I have come to a frightening couple of frightening realizations:
1. A hug chunk of the music on my iPod is pushing, or has passed, the 20-year-old barrier.
2. The early 90s FUCKING ROCKED!
2a. I'm getting old?
I submit as evidence:

Of course, with every yin, there is a yang, and there was a sizable amount of music in the early 90s that, despite attempts, did not fucking rock.
I submit as evidence:

No way in hell can I end on a Spin Doctors video. So here is more support for realization #2

Clever, but not...

2011-02-24T16:32:00.005-06:00

clever enough CRB. Even with Muary Levy on retainer, Nola has been playing the game about 10 moves ahead. Remember Back When you hired Jack Bauer to take Nola out? That, coincidentally, was the same time Nola was using Jack Bauer as a double agent to swindle the CRB out of their cooler and their paddle once and for all.

Here's how it happened: You see, Nola literally sniffed out the plan the CRB plan to hire Jack Bauer. Sniffed out as in Jack smelled like Cheez-its. Next time CRB, shower before your clandestine meetings. So, Nola sold a few Milkbones on Ebay and ponied up enough cash to to Make Jack Listen.

Don't think it's possible? Here's the evidence.

Remember this scene, the crux (so you thought)of CRB retribution?

All a ruse. The plan was for Jack to paddle out into international waters, have Jack "shoot and miss," sinking the rowboat, leaving the paddle and the (puke-tinged) CRB cooler floating aimlessly, just waiting to be claimed.

All Nola had to do was lay low for a while, hop in the boat, and scoop up the goods.

Even Muary Levy is helpless,as Nola operated in international waters.

Jack McCoy's(as Nola's Duly appointed fiduciary) role in this chapter? to remind Muary, (and his CRB clients) just how screwed he is.

CRB, again, you messed with...

2011-02-21T20:07:00.007-06:00

the wrong dog.

Recently, you accused a certain Golden Retriever

of plagiarism. A week or two has passed since that masochistic accusation. In that week or two, rage incubated. Nola read your 1000th post. Now the dog is out for blood. And she has some help

Jack Bauer is a pansy compared to the napalm steamroller now in Nola's employ: Nola hired a Jack more terrifying (to those he opposes)than even Jack the Ripper. That Jack is none other than Jack McCoy.

Jack (as Nola's duly appointed fiduciary) is coming for you, CRB. He's suing you for libel. Get ready for a mountain of paperwork

Here is a glimpse of your future

CRB, Jack (as Nola's duly appointed fiduciary) has a question for you:

CRBers
in case you might be wondering just how Nola has the means to retain Jack McCoy's services, she put up two trophies up as collateral.

When will you learn, CRB, to let, as the proverb cautions, sleeping dogs lie?

No way in hell...

2011-02-11T19:00:00.002-06:00

will I conclude my digression on cover songs with two shitty ones.

I like this one.

Here is my all time favorite cover tune.

If you cover it, bring it. That should be Federal law.

*Correction, at the time of Posting, Celine Dion's wretched bastardization of "You Shook Me All Night Long" was pasted instead of Eddie Vedder's version Of Gordon Peterson's "Hard Sun" I DO NOT LIKE that Celine Dion Tune. That was a cut-and-paste faux pas.

While we're on the subject...

2011-02-10T19:00:00.001-06:00

this cover is, arguably, worse than Fergie's tragicomic rendition of "Sweet Child o' Mine."

This one, however, takes the cake (and substitutes salt for sugar in the recipe)

To paraphrase: May God NOT have mercy upon your souls.

The previous post...

2011-02-09T19:00:00.000-06:00

could be titled "How Not to Cover a Great Rock Song." This, is how it should be done.

By the way, It's winter, so going off topic is ok. BACK OFF MAN!

And so verily...

2011-02-08T19:19:00.002-06:00

it was, an abomination upon that most sacred of rock Pslams. And it came to pass, on that holy Sabbath, that it was blasphemed. And the LORD was angry. And so the bile rose, from the pit of the stomach to the ears, upon those who listened. And verily, they brought forth vomitus, and their ears burned. For she sang...

My theory on why Slash is participating:
Slash is telling Axl If it sucks so bad, then why don't you stop snorting coke off of that washed up (circa '88)groupie's flabby ass, sack up, grab a mic, and belt this shit out the way God intended.

Alternate theory: Anything for a paycheck

Nice weather...

2011-02-01T19:43:00.001-06:00

we're havin'!

High...

2011-01-31T15:39:00.002-06:00

Output indeed.

I wonder if Andy threw down with Cory 'cuz he was mackin' on his honey**.

**Notice the hip lingo

TURN DOWN...

2011-01-27T18:23:00.005-06:00

THE MUSIC!!!

Dear Bigwigs at Correct Craft. I recently watched the video of your new all-electric powered ski boat on your website. Great work. Of course the Electric Nautique is not ready for mass-production right now, but it is a great first step and I applaud your company's willingness to experiment with new technology. Real innovation requires bold, though sometimes awkward, first steps, and your company put forth the money, labor, and time to push the limits of available technology. The payoff may (or may not) come years or decades from now, yet Correct Craft has the courage to go after it.

That being said, I have discovered one itty-bitty problem with the promotional video on the blog section of the Nautique website. Here is the problem: Except for the last two or three seconds, background music plays during all of the skiing footage. WHAT THE HELL! THIS IS AN ELECTRIC BOAT,WITH NEARLY SILENT OPERATION! The lack of engine noise would make this video sound completely different than ANY other skiing video. Without the background music, you, Correct Craft, could treat viewers (and potential boat-buyers) to an aural experience unlike any other in waterskiing. But instead, you decided to wash the clip in generic background music so it would sound like every other skiing clip ever produced. Great work.
Assuming that boat promotion has been around as long as there have been boats, Adding background music has to be the, stupidest, most moronic idea ever used to promote a boat. You have made something truly unique sound just like everything else. Brilliant, just brilliant.
This quote sums it best

2011-01-11T09:19:00.000-06:00

Simply put...

2011-01-10T14:19:00.000-06:00

I need my Auburn Tigers to win. Watching the Saints tank it* in the playoffs against a 7-9 team and watching Auburn lose the National Championship** Game would be too much to disappointment for me to handle***.

*royally

**In as much as the B(silent)CS can crown a "National Champion." See Tulane, TCU, Boise Stae, Utah, Auburn cicra '04

***Perspective, Shmershective

In case any of you...

2010-12-15T13:38:00.003-06:00

are having trouble deciding on Christmas gifts for me, how about some suggestions.

Safety first, I need a new life vest

And some skis

Oh yeah, my boardshorts are getting a bit ragged. Time to upgrade.

Definitely the piece de resistance

You can find some cherry stuff on ebay .

My birthday is coming up too (it's on Christmas eve), so multiple gifts are a viable option.

To keep my legions...

2010-12-05T19:00:00.001-06:00

of subscribers in the spirit of the season, how about another of my favorite Christmas tunes

Deck some halls..

2010-12-01T19:00:00.002-06:00

with another one

I never knew unitl I posted this that U2 filmed this in Baton Rouge. Brings a level of Irony to the line about the snow coming down.

That intro is totally 80's to the max.

What the hell....

2010-11-29T19:00:00.002-06:00

here is another one

Joey Ramone was so badass, he could make a non-comedic christmas song cool*

I had some problems with the copy function on the right click button and double-posted the RUN DMC video. But it's all good now.

*If you disagree with the following statement, then YOU SUCK!

Here is another...

2010-11-27T15:25:00.001-06:00

one of my fav Xmas jamz.

I am a firm believer in...

2010-11-25T19:00:00.001-06:00

beginning the Christmas season AFTER Thanksgiving.* Since the Thanksgiving Dinner is traditionally eaten in mid-afternoon, I consider thanksgiving to be over at night on Thanksgiving day, or after the tryptophan nap, whichever comes first.

So, to kick off the Christmas (off)season, here is my all-time favorite Christmas song.

*American Thanksgiving, not the pre-Halloween Canadian Thanksgiving. Although by the time the calendar strikes November in Canada it is too damn cold to be thankful for anything. You Canucks should still wait until the fourth week of November. Otherwise, that is just too damn much Christmas.

An obscure bit of...

2010-11-15T00:00:00.001-06:00

terminology from the urban dictionary .

Waterskiing
The act of being so thoroughly drunk that you piss yourself at the bar with your legs apart, while holding onto the handrail along the side.

Aussie 1: "Jeez mate, you look rough. Hard night?"
Aussie 2: "Too bloody right. I got so steamed last night I went waterskiing at the bar!"
Aussie 1: "Strewth! I bet that was a relief..."

Alternate Title: Bad ideas for a fourth event.

Some more late...

2010-11-13T10:45:00.003-06:00

National coverage. A few clips from M2 jump.

Me

Technically sound, just not very far. I left some overall hardware out there with weak jumps

Brett M

Third place, it also helped him get some overall hardware

Brian A

He was off his game a little that day

Jeff S

Fourth place, and an overall title on his home site

Jeff P

Life and limb> National championship

John B

I missed his winning jump with camera trouble.

Just because this is one...

2010-11-08T19:12:00.001-06:00

of my all-time favorite movie scenes

A thought about...

2010-10-24T23:14:00.002-05:00

collegiate skiing, and one area where it is miles ahead of NCAA sports. That area would be gender equality.

Earlier this month, I was sitting on a dock waiting to ski and somehow Title IX came up in conversation. I basically said that it was a good law (mandating gender equality in collegiate athletics), applied clumsily (by cutting unprofitable men's sports). Collegiate waterskiing's current format encourages gender equality with a simple method: Making team scores the combined total of men's and women's score, and only recognizing placements based on combined scores. teams that do not field full men's and women's teams are at a competitive disadvantage.

The NCAA should look to the NCWSA for better ways to comply with Title IX. NCWSA-style combined team titles would force schools into two choices: gender equality or habitual losing

While combined championships might not make sense for team sports, it would be a realistic way to organize track and field, swimming, and/or gymnastics. If cutting the Men's team would hurt the women's team too, maybe Title IX could become a good law applied fairly.

Just a thought

This winter...

2010-10-16T22:47:00.005-05:00

I really want to try this.

Looks like slalom on snow.

Thanks to my intense research*, I am an expert on this frozen form of slalom. Apparently it's called skwaling, performed on a single ski called- wait for it...- a skwal. My research also tells me that the sport is nearly unheard of in the US, and only slightly more heard of in Europe, mostly in France**.

Maybe there is a magazine in France called "Le Ski," that devotes 98% of it's content, and 99% of it's pages, to skwaling.

*Wikipedia AND Google

**The ignorant redneck response to my research: The French work ethic renders them are incapable of logging the work hours required to afford and purchase both skis in a pair.

If anything, it's just to....

2010-10-15T21:54:00.002-05:00

get back in the blogging habit. Here are more random shots. These are from waaaaay back in June.

Adam

Paul

Yours Truly (believe it or not, I missed this pass)

Mother Nature

Notice the magic, boatless skier.

Boatless skiing, that would be cheaper and greener. What would skiers do with their hands without a handle? Oragami, perhaps?

A few random shots...

2010-10-11T22:49:00.006-05:00

from Nationals

That is one bad-ass bike. Those douchebags* on American Chopper can suck it.

If any of those companies want to sponsor me, you can only contact me between the hours of 7am-7am Monday through Sunday.

Add some "happy little trees" in the foreground, and you have Bob Ross-ian ski shot.

Did Guam get a flag?

*I hate that fucking show. I would rather watch ten hours of the Lifetime network than ten minutes of any episode ofAmerican Chopper. Making an ugly, barely driveable motorcycle with fire engine parts on it won't change the world, you dipshits.

DVD or VHS?

2010-10-07T15:35:00.016-05:00

It's time for the first ever Waterskiing, etc movie review. Ok, not so much as a movie review as a comparison between two sets of trick videos.

Up first, we have a trip back to the mid 90's with the Cory Pickos/Mike Suyderhoud Trick Clinic series.

Next, representing the mid to late 00s (and the continent of Australia), is the Joel Wing Beginner to Advanced trick instructional DVD.

For a tricks instructional video, DVD is obviously superior to VHS, especially if a viewer does not wish to view the tricks in order. Advantage: Wing

When it comes to instructor gravitas, Cory and Mike win, hands down, no contest. Check out Cory's career highlights here
and mike's here .

For comparison's sake, here is a link to Joel's list of accomplishments Though he is obviously a world-class skier, he cannot compete with 24 world trick records over three different decades.

After watching all three of Cory and Mike's tapes,I think Joel mad a mistake making only one DVD to cover the entire trick event. Slalom and jump require initial mastery of a few fundamental techniques, only the speed and intensity changing. Tricking requires more techniques than either slalom or jump, perhaps too many to cover in a single video. It shows when watching the Wing video. Sometimes Joel channels his inner Micro Machine man while trying to analyze difficult tricks.

Cory and Mike could be accused of the opposite. Over a series of three tapes and nearly three hours, they spend much more time per trick than the Joel does. Cory and Mike give a few tricks extra time, show multiple takes in slow motion, and at regular speed with analysis of every part of the trick.

Joel Wing shot his video on a river in Australia lined with ridiculously expensive home and disgustingly expensive yachts. While that makes for a postcard-worthy backdrop, It can be distracting for an instructional video. Cory and Mike shot their video on a large, relatively uninhabited lake surrounded by desert mountains. Cory's skiing stands out clearly against the bland background. Cory and Mike's producers must have used a bland backdrop to compensate for the low resolution of VHS. As a result, the skiing is very watchable, despite Cory's Mullet. Cory and Mike win again with location.

So to anyone looking for some video trick coaching, skip Joel's DVD and buy Cory and Mike's series instead. Oh wait, Cory and Mike's are not for sale anymore. Just call me before coming over to my place for a viewing party. Remember, I work night shifts, so I sleep a lot during daylight hours.

Oh yeah, and don't drink all of my Coke Zeros while watching my Pickos tapes. My guard dog will be all up in the grille of anyone who so much as looks at my fridge.

You know who you are.

Avant de devenir champion du...

2010-10-05T14:38:00.003-05:00

ski nautique, Patrice Martin etait chantuer?

Patrice, nous vous remercions pour abandonner la musique. Vous etiez meilleur au slalom, les figures, et le sauter.

Je vais oublier que j'ai jamais vu ce Patrice au-dessus.

Au-dessous, c'est le vrai Patrice

Back with a ....

2010-09-30T12:18:00.003-05:00

THUD.

I coughed up some blood after that one. But I'm feeling much better now.

One of the most difficult things to do when filming a jumper is catching the splashdown on a crash. On more than one occassion, I have seen the cameraman have an "OH SHIT" moment and move his/her hands away from his/her face.

The same thing happened on a double wake back in '08:

Moral of the story: When getting your jump sets on video, use a cold, emotionless camera operator.

I am listening...

2010-02-08T00:52:00.002-06:00

to grown men cry on WWL radio's Point After Saints Call in show.

Saints win the Super Bowl.

Fuck Yeah!

War Damn...

2010-02-06T09:53:00.002-06:00

Eagle! My alma mater, undergraduate edition, has a new ski team website.

Auburn University Water Ski Team

Check it out.

Why I am confident...

2010-02-05T19:40:00.002-06:00

that the Saints will win:

Talk about waterskiing...

2010-02-05T17:52:00.005-06:00

has been put on the back burner. Given my bayou-bred heritage, I am caught up in "Who Dat" hysteria.

Even Knit Tidbits , aka Mrs. Lakerykert, has the fever. Observe her latest crafting project:

I must admit, the NFC championship game wore me out, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

sadly enough, Knit Tidbits did not capture my celebration on videotape. But it was something like this guy's.

Despite losing everything but bowel control after the big kick two weeks ago, I write, with confidence, that I am ready for the Su, whoops, I mean the game that will played on Sunday for the pro football championship.

For the record, Nola thinks I am fucking nuts

Also, Mad props to my CRB homeys for pulling for the Saints this weekend.

In case you haven't...

2010-01-23T12:19:00.007-06:00

noticed,
1. It's winter here in Iowa
2. I haven't posted anything in a while.

Given that ski season is a about three months away, I will start off with off-topic posts.

Hailing, originally, from the state of Louisiana, I am a die-hard New Orleans Saints' fan. Needless to say, I have been excited about the season, and a possible berth in the game whose mere mention requires the written consent of the commissioner's office.

In order to make it to the unnamed game, The Saints must beat Brett Favrrrrr and the Minnesota Vikings. I think the Saints will win the game. Why?
Better songs.

Vikings' exhibit A

Some Vikings song I found on youTube

Vikings' exhibit B

"Purple & Gold"

Honestly, I expected better from Prince

Saints' exhibit A

"The Saints are Coming"

Saints' exhibit B

"When the Saints go marching in"

Game over. It's no contest.

If the crew of the CRB is reading, Nola has been up late lately, pouring through Tom & Jerry style blueprints

Off topic,...

2009-10-02T18:54:00.000-05:00

but priceless advice nonetheless.

This month, I've gone...

2009-09-25T20:32:00.003-05:00

back in time,

to July, or so it feels. A warm Spetember with 23 straight days of sunshine, and not much wind, means lots of good water.

Tom has had a couple out-the-backs recently, so we're going back to bacics.

Terry is social-security eligible, but you wouldn't know it when watching him slalom.

I still need to clean up my reverse toe tricks.

Dr. Dre was right

2009-09-25T16:39:00.001-05:00

slower is better.

It wouldn't be regionals...

2009-08-10T12:00:00.001-05:00

without a close call on the jump ramp.

'08:

'09:

BTW, brilliant color commentary from Reedski on the '08 jump.

In response to the "clean out your jumpsuit" comment, Don't worry Brian, I always PJD.

T minus 2...

2009-08-10T09:36:00.001-05:00

days until I leave for Nationals.

Hell yes.

Shameless...

2009-08-06T08:50:00.005-05:00

self-promotion.

I am on the Flickr Blog.

Here is the soon-to-be famous photo

So, My enhanced silhouette is out there, for all the billions** of readers of the Flickr Blog to barely see.

This could be my big break. I could make millions of theoretical dollars.

*The picture is of me, but someone in the boat took the picture. Actually, the photo on the flickr blog was taken from Libby's flickr page, as she enhanced the original picture and uploaded it.

**Fair enough, billions is a bit of hyperbole.

Road trip suggestion...

2009-07-27T10:20:00.006-05:00

for my blogging Brethren, The CRB.

Get thee to Wilmington IL, this Saturday evening to watch Men 2 jump @ the Midwest Regional Championships.

The contenders* are all jumping their at best, and far.
Brian Ansel- 168 "on a 3/4" @ the Iowa Games**
Jeff Surdej- 166 @ The Illinois State Championships**
Brett Mommer- 160 "on my heels" @ The Illinois State Championships**
Aaron Weeks- no score from Indiana State Championships, but a solid 146 average.
Rykert Toledano- 156 and "I missed my lift" @ the Iowa Games**
Mike LaMarche- 143 @ the Illinois State Championships**

* All the level 8 jumpers as of Monday 7/27/09 on the usawaterski.org
ranking list.
** scores posted in a 5-10 mph tight-crossing tailwind

This Year, Water's Edge has a second ramp. That Means GUARANTEED HEADWIND. Guaranteed headwind means BIGGER JUMPS.

CRB, need a phat ride to roll into the event?

May I suggest this:

I think there just...

2009-07-24T13:00:00.001-05:00

might be a link between calm water and good slalom:

Wednesday: calm water and Terry strokes his 32
water still calm and your fearless blog moderator strokes (sloppily)
his 32 as well.

Enter into evidence:

I want to collect LOTS more data.

Good Andrew...

2009-07-24T08:42:00.004-05:00

First-ever complete pass at 30mph (30.4 to be exact).

Bad Andrew:
First time over the ramp.

RESIST THE RAMP AND GET ON YOUR TOES!

Don't worry Andrew, you'll get it.

Am I delusional,...

2009-07-21T13:06:00.004-05:00

or do I have a knack for picking tournaments with shitty weather?

I must be crazy.

2 days...

2009-06-19T09:56:00.001-05:00

off from work but I haven't been able to find a third. Damn.

Though posting average-at-best scores...

2009-06-14T22:58:00.003-05:00

I fell in Love with Clearwater Beach and the annual Des Moines slalom tournament. That place is almost perfect.
What is so great about it?

I'll show you

Mud ridin', titty bars and waterskiing: The zenith (or trough) of modern civilization.

Like I said, almost perfect.

One quick addition:

Now it's perfect.

I finally...

2009-06-11T15:37:00.002-05:00

caught a flip on camera.

More specifically, Katie actually caught it on camera. I've yet to master the film-while skiing technique.

Speaking of catching, here's a nasty edge-catch on a reverse W5F.

That one was a bell-ringer.

Ahhhh, young grasshopper....

2009-06-10T21:18:00.004-05:00

effort come with bruises.

Tom is, literally, busting his ass to qualify for Midwest regionals this year. Here is some video evidence of said ass-busting.

Unfortunately, he is at a level where he is progressing, but can't quite anticipate an oncoming slalom crash. With practice, hopefully he will learn to recognize an impending shit sandwich, and avoid it. Until then, well, like Dr. evil says

A hard knock life indeed.

Methinks the...

2009-05-31T08:37:00.001-05:00

Toe Back to Backs are a little sloppy.

Happy Birthday...

2009-05-25T17:41:00.002-05:00

to Nola.

2 Years old and counting.

Must....

2009-05-17T13:42:00.000-05:00

stop....

preturning

Since it's too...

2009-05-16T13:36:00.001-05:00

god damn windy to ski this weekend, here is an off-topic WTF video.

Personally, I prefer Honey mustard on my feet.

Very nearly...

2009-05-12T11:16:00.003-05:00

eating shit.

It's hard to see at full speed, but I almost fell head over heels over head over heels coming into number three.

In other news, Leah is finally sticking her hips and chest out over her skis.

If Leah does that this weekend, she'll collect some hardware from the Beaver at collegiate all-stars,

http://

This is...

2009-05-10T08:23:00.001-05:00

damn cool.

I hope watching it doesn't give me vertigo again.

That ramp...

2009-05-04T14:56:00.002-05:00

sat idle for too long.

No more.

Pat:

Me:

Leah (she skied at Bennett's for a week back in March, so she's already doing three-quarter cuts):

No big jumps on Sunday, but no big splats either.

As usual, we jumped in an all-too-frequent tailwind.

It's almost time...

2009-04-29T19:43:00.003-05:00

to start jumping.

Though not cutting terribly hard in this clip, Leah is turning and edging the skis with a strong, balanced, body position.

I need to push my ass forward sligtly, otherwise there will be a few OTBs in my near future.

I would have done a few singles yesterday, but for a couple minor probelems.
1. The ramp had no flotation under the back left corner.
2. Said ramp was floating on the edge of the lake.

A day late ...

2009-04-21T09:34:00.004-05:00

and off-topic, this is my 4/20 tribute.

In three parts:

This tribute is a day late. I couldn't post this yesterday because I had to pick up Nola from the shore of some pond. She smelled like PBR.

Oh how silly...

2009-04-18T14:11:00.005-05:00

you are. You thought you could capture Nola with Jack Bauer.
Silly
CRBers,
Jack Bauer is the Elmer Fudd to Nola'a Bugs Bunny.
Nola has a plan for "inconveniences" such as these. Jack has a weakness and Nola knows how to exploit it.
All she has to do is distract Jack.

But how?
With a sound, the sound that can break Jack's laser-sight focus.

Nola always keeps a phone under her collar, for emergencies such as these.

Splash! Jack distracted, Nola lunges out of the rowboat.

In panic, Jack fires a shot.
Jack is upset.

Jack misses, piercing the hull!

So Nola swims away, sits on shore, and laughs.

So here we stand: a rowboat at he bottom of the lake, a dog on shore, a cooler and a paddle floating on the surface. I think Jack went down with the ship.

How did Nola get past the fat floating gunmen??

How, you ask?

Curious?

Cheez-its!

They produce quite a distraction.
Your move, CRB

Tom, I think...

2009-04-18T07:20:00.002-05:00

you broke @ the waist.

Nice work. Clips from early in the year are generally not very exciting. A good splat, however, is always worth watching.

So far, I am tricking like I still have vertigo.

I don't, that clip was just bad tricking.

Hell yes,

2009-04-15T10:48:00.002-05:00

that is frost on the dock.

Winter, as always, was too long. It's over now. Time to strap on the stiffys (Goodman stiffys, you pervs).

I can't go over the ramp until I have sensation in my toes wile cutting.

Photography 101:

Nature shots always look prettier with a ski boat in the foreground.

Another victim of...

2009-04-09T09:59:00.005-05:00

the recession. Apparently,Nola has been laid off by the CRB. She had a cushy gig as the contact dog. But, when Pictures were leaked (at lakerykert) of Nola simply doing her job. CRB staff dug up old scandals and fired her, for an octo-rig.

This may seem, to the untrained blog-lurker, like a routine upgrade. Switching a Golden Retriever for an octo-rig can make sense. A higher volume of e-correspondence requires more horsepower. It was a business decision.

Or was it?

Nola did a little "investigative journalism," (some might say theft) and discovered that the CRB's contact octo-rig is not quite what it seems.

Observe:
What is Nola towing with that rope?

It's the CRB Octo-rig!?
WTF? Why is is that small?

The Octo-rig is a fake! Nola was outsourced by a children's bathtub toy. What's the matter, did Cheez-It's become too expensive? You should be ashamed of yourselves, CRB. She was a hard-working dog, dutifully responding to all those, er, Internet promotions. Now she will have to sell her laptop. Even a recently laid off postal worker would shudder at the type of retribution she could muster.

A quick update for...

2009-04-09T09:49:00.002-05:00

your "No Shit, Sherlock" file.

Headline taken from the April 6, 2009 New York Times :

Children: Early Swim Lessons May Reduce Drowning

Profound.

Profound.

Stricken with...

2009-04-07T12:00:00.002-05:00

irony.

I'm currently recovering from a brief, though intense bout of benign positional vertigo. The timing sucks, being that this is just about the time to start skiing (and shivering) in Iowa. Instead of perfecting toe back-to-backs, I'm pushing for more modest goals, like not losing my balance while feeding Nola.

By the way, Nola has been busily responding to CRB emails lately. How the hell did she get sucked into that gig? ODBF, or perhaps the Minion, must have bribed her with Cheez-its.
Good luck trying to get Nola to return the Missing CRB padlle, though.